


At Peace

by enbyred



Series: TTMAB [2]
Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, One-Sided Attraction, and end up writing long fics about it?, yea, you know how i fixate on things that i write in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 04:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21093350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyred/pseuds/enbyred
Summary: Being an ambassador at sixteen years old isn't Rayla's ideal life. Sometimes Callum has to take care of her through it.Prequel to To the Moon and Back.





	At Peace

“Lady Rayla, we need you to-”

“Prince Callum, if you could-”

“-negotiations aren’t going as well as we hoped-”

“-Rayla is the only one the elves will even begin listening to-”

“-the treaty needs to be signed-”

“We need Prince Callum to-”

“No, Lady Rayla, you need to stay here with-”

Rayla wanted to clap her hands over her ears and scream. This was supposed to be an easy trip. Pop over to Xadia, get a few documents signed for the council, ask them to stop pretending that there was still a war going on, and go back to Katolis. The war had been over for nearly a year, and she and Callum had gone on plenty of journeys like this, always accompanied by a member of the council, as well as a few guards. Sometimes even Ezran would come. They had come to enjoy these trips, with how much easier they had gotten. This time was different.

They were supposed to be negotiating with a clan of riotous Moonshadow elves. They’d quelled riots before, but usually, the rioters were willing to negotiate. Compromises were made with demands, understandings were reached.

Not this group.

They would only listen to her, as the elf among the group. The issue, however, wasn’t in the fact that she was working with a group of humans. It was her age that helped them decide that they wouldn’t take her seriously.

“What do you know about any of this, anyway?” an older woman spat. “You’re a child, you haven’t seen the horrors these humans have committed against us.”

Rayla scoffed, folding her arms. “Word didn’t reach you that I was the one who traveled with Prince Callum to return Azymondias to Xadia? I was also within the group of assassins meant to kill King Harrow. None of the others made it out alive. So believe me when I say that I not only know what they’ve done to us, but I’ve seen it firsthand, and I’ve seen what we’ve done to them. So let’s set it all aside and try not to kill each other for once.”

The woman rolled her eyes, but didn’t retort. Rayla could feel that she wasn’t going to be getting through to her any time soon. She wouldn’t be getting through to  _ any _ of them any time soon. Just the thought of it made her tired. She wanted to shout at them, to tell them that they were being stupid, to lecture the humans that they were being pushy and forceful. But she’d learned quickly that in diplomacy that she was  _ not _ allowed to voice everything she felt about the situation.

The best choice was to walk away and cool off. Without saying a word, she stood and left the room to go and walk outside, ignoring the people calling after her.

Once she was outside, she let out the shout the had been suppressing, kicked the side of the building, then drew a blade and threw it as hard as she could, embedding it into a nearby tree. She sighed, walked over to the tree, yanked her blade out, and hooked it onto her back again before beginning to trek away from the meeting place.

She kicked up dirt on the path, glaring down at the ground. Once again, in a group of adults, a group of people who were supposed to be good at this, she had to be the grown-up among adults who didn’t want to play nice. She wished that just this once, she could be allowed to be a teenager instead of a negotiator or an ambassador.

“Hey! Rayla!” a voice called for her in a loud whisper. 

The mere sound of the familiar voice made Rayla’s ears perk up, and a weight lifted off of her shoulders as she looked around for him. They’d been pulled in opposite directions for the whole trip and hardly got a moment to even glimpse each other. If only he wouldn’t  _ hide _ when he came to see her -

“Boo!” Callum threw his arms around her from behind, making her jump, and her hand went instinctively to her swords before wiggling to turn around and face him, returning the hug as tightly as she could.

Her voice muffled in his shoulder, she said, “If we run now, no one ever has to know where we’ve gone.”

He chuckled and pulled away from her, catching her hand to pull her along the path. “They’re that bad?”

Jaw set, she nodded. “Some of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met - and I was raised by  _ Runaan _ . Now I have to be patient, and even more stubborn than they are. Usually, that’s not a tall order, but this group?” She groaned.

Callum laughed and swung their hands back and forth. “If anyone can out-stubborn someone, it’s you.” He fell silent for a moment before saying in a quiet tone, “I just wish they’d let us spend some time together. It would be way easier on both of us.”

She squeezed his hand. “Me too.” Allowing herself a shred of hope, she sent him a glance from the side. “Think anyone will let you spend the rest of the day helping me?”

He shook his head, a sad look in his eye. “No. The councilman thinks it’s more important for me to help him rephrase the entire document so the elves will agree to it, as though that’s going to do any more good than being there in the negotiations with you.”

"Of course." She rolled her eyes and tried not to pout. If she admitted to anyone that one of the main reasons she was so upset was because she missed her best friend, she'd be taken even less seriously than she already was. And if she admitted to the way her heart was fluttering in her chest with Callum's hand firmly in hers...

No, she didn't have the time or energy to think about that. There were things going on that were much more important than a stupid crush. She'd be fine. All she had to do was get through this awful trip, and then everything would be okay.

With a sigh, Rayla's shoulders slumped. "I should probably...be getting back." She loosened her grip on Callum's hand.

But he only held tighter, a mischievous grin on his face. He pulled her along through the woods, clearly paying no attention to where he was going. It only made her heart beat faster, but she couldn't care less. She would follow him anywhere.

"You deserve a break," he said after a minute, stopping against a tree and sliding down to sit on the ground. "You've been working harder than anyone, and no one'll blame you for taking just a few more minutes. So take a few minutes with me." He extended his free hand to invite her to sit.

Part of her held back, knowing that even if the group didn't immediately need her presence, the council would be missing Callum. But the rest of her was helpless against his puppy-dog eyes. She accepted his hand and melted into his arms, burying her face in his shoulder.

If she could have paused time right there, she would have. Just her, Callum, and the quiet whisper of the wind through the trees. No one shouting. The fate of the world could rest on someone else's shoulders for a change. For now, they were deep in the woods, having run away from their responsibilities like the kids they allowed themselves to be together, and they could just  _ be _ . To Rayla, that was infinitely more valuable than a signature on a treaty.

-

_ Breathe, Rayla _ , she told herself, closing her eyes as she sat at the side of the room. A guard and one of the older elves had gotten themselves into a shouting match and tried to get Rayla caught in the middle. She stayed silent, but couldn’t drown out the noise, as badly as she wanted to. As if it wasn’t already enough that nobody would take her seriously, both sides were trying to catch her in discrimination against someone - anyone they could. Because apparently, as she was trying her hardest to bring them to peace, she was the bad guy.

“If you would just  _ listen _ to Lady Rayla, you’d see that her primary interest lies with the elves!” the guard was insisting, making the elf scoff at him.

“If you still call her ‘Lady,’ then you truly have no idea what elven culture is like, and Rayla has taught you nothing - because she doesn’t  _ care _ , and neither do you.”

It didn’t matter how much she told them that they were both wrong. Neither side seemed eager to listen to the elven child.

That’s all she was. A  _ child _ . It shouldn’t be her job to make adults try to get along. It was entirely unfair to expect children to run the world. It was unfair to try and trap her like they were. Everything about this was unfair, and she was completely underqualified. She wanted nothing more than to still be under that tree with Callum, fighting off sleep, but happily safe in each other’s arms. 

But she wasn’t allowed to be a child. So, like the adult she forced herself to be, she didn’t cry. Instead, she sat quietly, chewing on her fingernails. Anything was a welcome distraction from this disaster.

A gentle hand pulled her fingers away from her mouth, diverting her attention to the presence of a person at her side. She looked up, blinking through a haze, and saw the mop of brown hair belonging to Callum. She was able to let out a breath of air that had been sitting stagnant in her lungs for who knew how long.

“I think that’s enough for today,” Callum interrupted the argument, a cordial-but-forced smile on his face as he held Rayla’s hand more tightly. “We should all sleep on the negotiations and continue tomorrow after we’ve had time to rest. Sound good?”

Rayla wanted to jump up and kiss him right then and there. Luckily, she didn’t have the energy, and settled for squeezing his hand as she leaned against him.

The guard and the elves agreed and dispersed before Rayla could find it in her to stand up. Callum stood in front of her and helped hoist her out of her seat, examining the damage she had done to her nails.

“Let’s cover these up so you won't chew them too much,” he told her. His soft voice brightened her heart, and she nodded.

He led her by the hand through the village and back to the inn; once there, he carefully wrapped her fingers in thin bandages, taking special care of the ones he knew she gnawed on the most.

When he was satisfied with the bandages, he assured her, “I’m going to get dinner for both of us. I’ll be right back,” and planted a kiss on her forehead. It made her dizzy, and she stepped into her room to sit on her bed to make sure she didn’t fall over.

It was stupid, she kept telling herself. She had done things like this for Callum a hundred times - get him out of situations that made him anxious and take care of him for the hours after. Flipping the script wasn’t that different. Besides, it wasn’t like he had never taken care of her before. She’d been sick so many times since she started living in Katolis - elves didn’t tend to get human sicknesses, since they weren’t exposed to them. So Rayla had been hit with several, and had spent a month in bed, with Callum at her side, taking care of her the whole time. This was basically the same thing, wasn't it? 

Then again, there was a difference between stress and being too sick to think. With the ability to think, she was aware of how hard her heart was beating in her chest.

Callum returned to her room with two plates of food, and sat on her bed with her. Almost immediately, he looked at her face and asked, “Are you getting sick again? You look feverish.”

Oh, no. That could only mean that her cheeks were red. 

“I hope not,” Rayla mumbled, accepting the plate from him. “I’m tired of being sick all the time.”

With a sympathetic look, Callum replied, “You’re  _ tired _ . We’ve been babysitting at these meetings for months, we’ve hardly had a chance to stay in one place for more than a week or two, and it’s  _ exhausting _ . We need a break.”

Rayla gave a stiff nod. There were few things that could make the whole situation better, and that was the only one that sounded good. But unfortunately, she knew better than to suggest taking one before their job was done.

She felt her eyes welling up. “I just want to rest. I want to go home.” Her voice broke and she swiped a tear away from her face.

Callum eased her plate out of her hand and scooted closer to her, wrapping her tightly in his arms. She clutched the back of his shirt, her face in his shoulder. Only for a moment did she try to keep her cries from escaping before she gave up. She gave herself over to Callum’s embrace and let herself sob. Callum ran a hand soothingly up and down her back, his arms tightly around her. All she could think was a thank-you to whatever powers that may be that she had Callum with her. If she needed anything right now, it was his support.

When she cried herself out, Callum slowly released her, and pushed the plate of cold food into her hand. Her stomach growled, as if on cue. They chuckled together, and Rayla managed to eat a few more bites of her dinner.

Eventually, a disgruntled councilmember knocked on the door and told them that it was late, and they needed to be fresh for more negotiations in the morning. They were familiar with the routine - it was code for  _ get out of each other’s rooms and go to sleep for once. _ Callum complied, standing and squeezing Rayla’s shoulder, giving her a wink that only she saw - a wink that told her that they would absolutely not be listening to the councilman that night.

He left her room to return to his own, taking with him all the warmth that she’d felt inside. In his wake was a frigid cold and what felt like a gaping space next to her where he should be as she laid down on the bed to stare at the wall.

It was fine, though. That was how it always felt when he was away from her. She had gotten used to it after their year together.

She hadn't meant to fall in love with him. In fact, back when she first realized it, she wanted nothing  _ less _ than to be in love with a human prince. It was a distraction, she had told herself. It would pass, she was only feeling that way because of all the terrifying experiences they'd shared. It would go away once the mission was complete and they went their separate ways.

Maybe that would've been true, if they had actually gone their separate ways. She couldn't bring herself to leave Callum and Ezran, to leave Katolis without them. To be with them, she would endure a lifetime of dirty looks from the humans, of how betrayed other elves looked when they found out she was striving for peace. It didn't matter what their outdated opinions were; all she wanted was to spend time by Callum's side. And luckily, it seemed like he wanted the same.

The world wasn't ready for how she felt about him, though. Even if he did reciprocate her feelings, the world wouldn't understand for a long time. She doubted anyone but Callum and Ezran would even come close to understanding. They were the only other ones she could truly trust.

But not with this. She couldn't tell anyone about this.

An hour had passed, maybe two, before her door eased open. She sat up, blinking through her fog, to see Callum tiptoeing into her room. He smiled and put a finger to his lips to tell her to be quiet. Like she needed to be told. They'd done this a few times, now, when they were pulled away from each other during peace missions like this. One of them would sneak into the other's room and they would talk for hours before falling asleep next to each other.

He closed the door and sat on the bed next to her, grinning as he nodded to the candle on the nightstand. "It's late, put that out and we can go to sleep."

"'It's late,'" she mocked him, blowing the candle out and settling under the blankets. "'Go to sleep, Rayla, because sleep will make tomorrow better.'"

Callum rolled his eyes, but even in the dim light, she could still see the smirk on his lips as they laid down, facing each other. "Well,  _ not _ sleeping will make tomorrow considerably worse, so yeah, sleeping will probably make things better."

Shifting closer to him, she laid her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Callum." Now that the light was out, she felt sleep quickly grabbing hold of her.

He gently rubbed his thumb over her shoulder. "I'd be the one lost without you." His voice was starting to sound faraway, probably even more tired than she was.

Tension left her body. The feeling of Callum breathing, the sound of his heartbeat, his very presence was enough to make her relax. She was never more comfortable than when she was with Callum.

Maybe that was why her brain wasn't fast enough to stop her mouth from whispering a few sleepy words before she drifted off.

"I love you."

He stiffened and bolted upright, toppling her off of him.

In the dark, she could see how wide his eyes were as he asked, “What did you say?”

Her own eyes widened and her heart picked up, realizing what she had told him. She jumped up and out of the bed, burying her face in her hands as she began to pace the length of the room. “Oh, no, Callum, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. I don’t know where it came from, it just slipped out. Please,  _ please _ ignore that I ever said it.”

Her heart was thundering in her ears, and she couldn’t tell if she was even talking anymore. Had she said any of that out loud, or was it all just screaming in her head? Why couldn’t her head have screamed before letting her confess her feelings to him? What was wrong with her? This was going to ruin them! He wouldn’t want to spend time with her anymore. He was going to leave her room right now, never come close to her, never speak to her, kick her out of the castle, and find another elf to establish peace with him, and their relationship was going to be nothing but a distant memory.

Whether because of that thought or because her brain barely processed that she had rammed her toes into the bedpost, she sat on the floor, head in her hands.

The sound of a match striking fought its way through her stupor, followed by soft light and some rustling.

“Rayla.”

She winced at his voice, close enough that she knew he’d gotten off the bed and was sitting on the floor in front of her, and soft in a way she didn’t expect.

“Ray, please look at me.”

That only made her curl in on herself. Tears were stinging at her eyes. How could she possibly be so stupid? She wasn’t sure if she could ever look at him again.

“Please.” The tone in Callum’s voice was growing more desperate. She knew that tone. He was about to cry too. Great, not only was she going to be in tears because of how stupid she was, but she had made him so upset that he was going to cry.

Summoning all her strength, she pried her head up from her hands and spared him a glance before averting her eyes to the floor again. His expression was more concerned than anything, and that was just as bad.

“I’m so sorry,” Rayla whispered. “I didn’t mean to.”

He reached out, but his hand stopped before he could touch her, and he brought it back into himself.

A few beats of silence passed between them before Callum spoke. “You don’t have to be sorry. You never have to apologize for how you feel. I'm the one who's sorry. I never want to make you feel badly, and I...listen, you don't need to be sorry about anything, okay?”

She wanted to laugh at that, but her entire being was too tense to manage. Feelings like this, when not reciprocated, were absolutely something to apologize for, in her opinion. And since she already knew what was coming, she might as well apologize in advance for making him uncomfortable.

"Just forget it." She heard her voice crack as she said it, curling in on herself and hunching her shoulders over. "You can go back to your room, and we never have to talk about this again."

" _ Rayla _ ." The force with which he said it made her jump, and the first tear escaped from her eye as she looked up at him. His expression had shifted from worried to...angry? Determined? Stern? She couldn't tell, but he had her attention as he said, "Listen to me for just a minute, okay? You have to stop apologizing and stop telling me to forget it, because let's be honest, neither of us are going to forget this." He extended his hand. "Come sit with me. Alright? We'll talk about this."

That was probably the smart thing to do. It was the best thing they could possibly do right now: talk about it and come to an agreement. And he was offering a chance to make sure things were okay between them. But the world was falling apart around her. The room darkened in her vision, and all she could see was his hand in front of her, all she could feel was the tension between them that wasn't going to go away any time soon. His hand was shaking. But it was there, and he kept it extended to her in a way that she didn't deserve.

Slowly, tentatively, as though he would snap his hand back at any second, she reached out to him. Her fingers made ginger contact with his, and he slipped his hand firmly into hers. She would never get tired of how perfectly their hands fit into each other.

As he pulled her to her feet, light flooded her vision again, allowing her to see Callum's face. His eyes were already red, and she knew that this was going to be a very long, very difficult night.

Callum tugged Rayla along to sit on the bed with him before she took her hand back from him. She shifted to sit as far away from him as she could, curling into a ball and refusing to meet his eyes.

He heaved a heavy sigh. "So you, uh...you...love me?"

Rayla flinched, like he had hit her. "I don't...well...I uh, I didn't... _ not _ say that..." Her fingers found their way to her mouth, and she began to nibble on the bandages.

He let out a small chuckle, but it didn't have much mirth behind it.

Thick silence filled the air between them. Rayla removed the bandage to give her access to her nails.

Callum tapped her arm. “Stop, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

She crossed her arms instead, refusing to look at him.

“Rayla, I…” He hesitated, like he was trying to find the right words. “This isn’t easy for me either.”

“It’s harder on me,” she muttered. 

“What, because you think you know what I’m going to say?”

Her eyes snapped up to him. “I  _ do _ know what you’re going to say, Callum. You already said you're sorry. You think we shouldn’t spend time together anymore. You think that it would be too big a distraction to have me making lovesick eyes at you, and it would get in the way of the mission. You think I should work primarily alone in Xadia, while you work in the five kingdoms, so we don’t have to cross each other’s path anymore, and so I don’t have to see you marry Claudia, and so-”

“Would you shut up for half a second?” he yelled. Now he was getting angry. She should have expected this. Callum took a breath to steady himself and said, “I don’t think any of those things. I...well, I  _ am _ really sorry that I don’t feel the same way about you, but you’re wrong about everything else you just said. You’re my  _ best friend _ , Rayla, and nothing is going to change that.”

She fought the urge to gnaw on her nails. “But it’ll be weird, now. You won’t be able to see me the same way as you did. It’ll get in the way.” She balled her hands, willing herself not to cry.

“You don’t know that,” Callum stressed. “We’ve spent as much time together as we possibly can this past year. If there’s anyone who knows me better than everyone else does, it’s you. And I know you best too. Rayla.” He reached out to her, but let his hand rest on the blankets instead of on her. “You’re the same person you were ten minutes ago. And so am I. We’ve kept secrets from each other before, and it never changed our opinions of each other. Why should this?”

“Those secrets were  _ different _ , Callum!” she exclaimed, an arm flying out as she said it. Callum retracted his hand, and she lowered her knees to lean toward him. “I couldn’t tell you about your dad, because our alliance was shaky at best! You couldn’t tell me about what was happening with Aaravos, because you didn’t want to put me in danger! This is completely different, this is how I feel about you, not saving the world!”

Quietly, Callum breathed, “You’re  _ my _ world, though.”

A sob escaped her. How could he say that? How could he just  _ say _ things like that? It was all she had wanted to say to him for so long, and she knew that everything would come crashing down around her if she did, and now he was saying it without a problem, right after telling her that he didn’t feel the same way about her as she felt about him.

“Rayla - please, I…” He shifted closer to her and asked, “Can I hug you?”

She wanted to say no. She wanted to run from the room and find a quiet place to cry by herself. But instead, she found herself sinking into Callum’s arms. He held her tightly, and she clutched him as closely as she could, as though her life depended on it. It felt exactly the same as it had earlier that evening. But now everything was different, and it was her fault.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, her breath shuddering.

Callum shook his head. “I told you, don't be. I feel like I should be the one apologizing, like I  _ should _ return your feelings. It would only be right - it would make sense - but...I don’t. But hey.” He nudged her away from him a few inches so they could make eye contact. “I don’t want that to ruin us. We’re going to be okay. We can work through this.”

He truly sounded like he believed his words. He believed that they were going to be okay.

Maybe his belief was all they needed to make it true.

“But  _ how _ ?” Rayla whispered. “How can we come back from this? I messed it up, Callum.”

There was a pause as Callum absently ran his hand up and down her arm to soothe her. “I want to say that we can continue like nothing’s changed, but that would just be ignoring it, because something  _ has _ changed. So…” He took a breath. “I guess we have to figure out what our relationship is now. We can’t pretend that it’s not different, so let’s treat it like it’s different.”

Rayla groaned. “I don’t want it to be different. I want it to be the same as it always has been.” But she had taken that away from herself. Stupid Rayla.

With a sigh, Callum leaned back, and Rayla sat back up. “So do I, but that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. The only choice we really have is to learn and grow from this.”

“I don’t wanna,” she said with a whine, flopping down on her side. She pouted, looking up at him with what she hoped were puppy-dog eyes.

Callum chuckled and shook his head. “So what do you want to do? We’re not going separate ways. That’s out of the question.”

She stared at the ceiling, considering their options. “I...I don’t know how we’ll be able to do it without things being weird.”

“We can’t.” The way Callum said it so matter-of-factly, like it was  _ okay _ , startled Rayla away from her thoughts. She gave him a confused look, and he explained. “We can’t just decide that it won’t be weird. It will be because we’re best friends, we see each other all the time, and we know literally everything about each other.”

“Thanks for your vote of confidence,” Rayla drawled.

“No, seriously.” He shrugged. “It’ll be weird, Ray. It’ll be really hard to think of anything else for a while. But I think what we need to do is be conscious that we treat each other as friends. Since, let’s be honest, to everyone else, we look like more than friends.”

A pang reverberated through her chest and she tried not to let the wince show on her face. “What do you suggest, then? You keep telling me you don’t love me until you stop feeling guilty and I stop crying?” It came out more bitter than she intended, but what was she supposed to do? Burying her feelings wouldn’t fly, not with Feelings Master Supreme by her side.

“While I do think that would work,” Callum replied, a sarcastic drip in his voice, “neither of us want the tears associated with that. I was thinking things more like...not sleeping in each other’s rooms anymore, not holding hands as much.”

Physical distance. It made sense, so they wouldn’t trick anyone, let alone their own minds, into thinking that their relationship was something more than it was. It was a good plan. But she would be lying to herself if she said that it didn’t feel like physical distance was going to tear her heart out of her chest and shred it into bits. She would get used to it. She would get through it. But it was going to all but kill her until she was past these stupid feeings.

“Okay,” she agreed, determined not to let her voice break. She was stronger than this. She could do it.

Callum thought for a moment. “Should we...I don’t know, find other people to confide in? Spend less time together?” He didn’t give her a moment to protest before he shook his head. “No, now that I say it, I don’t want that, nor do I think I could manage it. I still want you to be my best friend, no matter what.”

A small weight lifted off of her shoulders upon hearing him say that. At least he wanted their friendship to remain strong. She could do that, she thought. A different friendship, but still just as close. That was good. And maybe if they changed the way they interacted, her mind would stop drifting back to her crush, and they could carry on.

"We'll figure it out," she muttered, running one finger over the bandage of another. She looked up at him. "Will you let me know if I'm overstepping any bounds?"

"Of course," Callum replied, gently guiding her hand to stop trying to pick at her nails. "And I expect that you'll let me know if I need to back off, too."

She knew she was supposed to say yes. But even now, the simple gesture of him making sure she didn't keep chewing her nails off was enough to make her heart want to flutter. Instead, it just ached. This wasn't how she was  _ supposed _ to feel around Callum. Though, she relented, she probably wasn't  _ supposed _ to feel romantically about him either, but she had already kicked that wall down. What she would give to go a few minutes back in time and stop herself from saying those dumb words. Everything would be fine if she just stayed quiet and went to sleep.

Callum poked her. "What's up? What're you thinking?"

With a groan, Rayla turned her head to hide her face in the blankets. "I'm sorry."

She could practically feel Callum rolling his eyes as he took hold of her shoulders and sat her up. "Okay, so we're not going to play I-Don't-Love-You-That-Way-So-Stop-Crying, but we will play Stop-Saying-Sorry-Because-Your-Feelings-Are-Not-Inherently-Problematic."

“But my dumb feelings are the reason-”

“Nope!” He held up a finger. “Your feelings are neither dumb nor at fault. You’re  _ allowed _ to feel, Rayla. I’m never going to think that you’re dumb or that your feelings are an inconvenience, because they’re part of you, and they’re important. So let's try again, okay?” The smile on his face was so encouraging, but had just a hint of sadness behind it. Like he was telling her that it was okay, but didn’t quite believe it himself.

Still, she took a deep breath. “It’s gonna be hard for me not to apologize for it.”

“I know,” he replied. “But apologies aren’t going to help either of us in this situation. So come on.” He gave her a firm pat on the arm. “Say what’s on your mind without apologizing.”

“Callum, that’s not going to-”

“You can’t say it won’t help before you try it.”

She rolled her eyes, but felt her hands shaking. Quietly, she said, “Don’t make me say it again.”

After a few seconds, Callum whispered, “Okay. I won’t make you say it. But I think you should, if only because  _ you _ need to process it before you can be at peace.” 

“Trust me,” Rayla grumbled, “I’ve had tons of time to process how I feel.” She slumped against the bedpost.

“And now you need to process how you feel about me knowing.”

“I think you’re avoiding processing it yourself.”

“A little, yeah, but I do really think that your feelings are more important right now.”

“Fine.” She tried to glare at him - she wanted so badly to be angry - but the glare quickly melted away. It was impossible for her to look at him, especially when he was being so earnest and trying so hard to help, and be upset with him. Sitting up and letting out an exasperated breath, she mumbled, “I like you a lot, Callum. A lot more than I ever intended to.” So many times, she imagined saying those words to him. She had imagined pouring her heart out to him. But not like this.

Callum shook his head. “That isn’t what you said before.” His voice was quiet, like he was forcing himself to prompt her. At least he didn’t want to be on the subject either. If only he would drop it.

Frustrated, Rayla stood and started pacing again. She couldn’t stop herself from ranting. “Why do you even want me to say it again? I can confront it without you, you know. I don’t need to repeat  _ what I never meant to say _ just so you can hear it again.”

Callum’s own tone was sharp as he hissed, “Keep it down, Rayla, we don’t want the councilman to come in and yell at us.” When she stopped pacing and crossed her arms, he said, “I’m not trying to fight with you, and I wasn't looking to just hear it again - I want to avoid this whole thing as much as you do, but that isn't going to help us. I told you that I won’t make you say it again. It’s up to you.”

Tears pricked at her eyes again. She sank to her knees, staring up at him, and she finally let herself sob, “I’m in  _ love _ with you, Callum.”

He winced, but slid from the bed to sit on the floor across from her, keeping a few inches between them, and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

A choked laugh escaped from her lips as she used the heels of her hands to wipe away her tears. “I thought we were trying not to say that.”

“ _ You _ need to try not to say it,” he corrected, trying to chuckle as he wiped his own eyes. “I can feel as guilty as I want.” She knew he was joking, but she lightly kicked him in the shin anyway.

Rayla tried to calm herself, to stop crying, to toughen herself up, to little avail. She could only ask, “What’re we going to do?”

Shaking his head, Callum replied, “I don’t know. But whatever we do, we’ll do it together.” He sniffled, as though to say that they would cry together just as they did everything else.

They didn’t sleep at all that night. Until the sun was up, they talked and cried, teased and apologized, and told each other over and over again that the other wasn’t at fault, that there was no way they could have prevented the situation from happening. In the back of her mind, Rayla knew exactly how miserable the next day of negotiations was going to be, but the importance of how it went seemed to pale in comparison to the stability of her relationship with Callum. Adults weren’t going to listen to her, so why did it matter if she was sleep deprived? The only person who was going to listen to her was the one sitting right in front of her, eyes bleary, fighting through the sleep to make sure that they reached a point where they knew that they were going to be okay. Callum was sacrificing sleep to make sure that  _ she _ was okay. 

And for the first time in months, despite his kindness and caring for her, striving for both of them to be at peace, her heart didn’t flutter.

ONE YEAR LATER

Rayla plopped down on the hot sand, trying to pull her wrist out of Callum’s grip.

“There’s no way you’re getting me in the water,” she informed him. “You swim all you want, I’m staying right here.”

Callum whined. “But it’s so much more fun to swim with someone else! Come on, it’s not every day that we discover a hidden beach!”

“Nope.” She shook her head. “It’s never fun for me to swim. I’ll stay here and build a sand castle or something.”

With a heavy sigh, Callum shrugged off his jacket and shirt, tossing them on the sand next to Rayla. “Your loss.” He bounded toward the water a little too quickly, and was thrown off balance the moment the waves hit his legs, making him fall face-first into the water with a yelp.

Rayla laughed out loud, plucking Callum’s jacket off the ground and throwing it over her head to protect herself from the sun. When she saw Callum stand, she smirked at him, deciding at that moment that she was never going to let him live that down. She did notice, however, that he stared at her for just a moment longer than he usually would have, then made a disgruntled face at her. He was probably plotting how to get her into the water.

It had been a year since the night they lost sleep because of her accidental confession. For a month, it was difficult for them to interact the way they normally did, and it took another six months for her to be able to say, and truly believe, that she no longer held those feelings for Callum. They’d discussed it; she had told him on the day she realized those feelings were gone, and they celebrated by sneaking a stash of jelly tarts to the roof to look at the stars and talk all night. The feelings were gone, and they didn’t come back that night. She was free to love him as her best friend - nothing more, and nothing less.

The most sure way she knew that she was truly past her feelings for Callum was the fact that she was  _ happy _ as his best friend. She didn’t want anything more. Had it been a year earlier, this would have been too much for her. She would have asked him to keep his shirt on, to keep a little more distance; she might have even asked to not stop at the beach altogether to make sure that there was nothing to encourage her mind to wander back to what she had left behind.

But finally,  _ finally _ , she was able to sit on the sand with his jacket over her head, watching him be a complete goof in the water, and the fond smile on her face was because of her affection as his friend.

Finally, she was at peace.

“Heads up!” Callum yelled, making her jump. Before she could react, he scooped her up off the ground, his jacket falling off of her head, and he made a dash for the water, seemingly undeterred by her weight.

“Callum!” she shrieked, struggling in his arms. He held tight. “Callum, you ass,  _ put me down _ !”

With a wicked grin as he took a few steps into the water, he said, “Put you down, huh?”

“That’s not what I-!”

He tossed her into an oncoming wave, and she let out a scream before it got lost in the water.

It wasn’t deep. Her back hit the soft sand below her, and the waves pushed her into shallow enough water that when she knelt her head was above water, letting her glare up at Callum.

“You’re dead,” she threatened. “I  _ will _ end you.”

Laughing, Callum sat in the shallow water next to her. “You keep telling me that, and yet I’m alive.”

“You won’t be for long.”

He gave her his winning grin, and she knew that there was no way she could stay angry with him. She merely rolled her eyes and offered a smile back, and his features softened into a sort of fond expression.

With a snort, she asked, “What’s that look for?”

His eyes widened. “Wh-what look? I wasn’t giving you a look. I’m just...I guess I’m just happy to be here with you, Ray. I’m happy that you’re my best friend.”

She bumped his shoulder with her own. “Me too, dummy.” She noticed that his cheeks were tinged pink, and she stood, offering a hand to him. “You humans get sunburned too quickly. Let’s get inside so we don’t both burn.”

“Right.” He accepted her hand and they made their way back to their things. She threw his shirt at him, but kept his jacket to put back over her head. If they were both in too much pain, neither of them would be able to take care of the other’s burn.

And they would always take care of each other, no matter what feelings they had.

**Author's Note:**

> Remember how in TTMAB, Rayla thinks about when she confessed to Callum years ago, and how they worked through that together? And Callum tells her that he fell in love with her at the beach? No? Just me? Well, hope you like my latest fic fixation.


End file.
